Thursday, May 27, 2010
Asleep Walking
Falling Down Stairs
I decided to sit on my top stair for a moment today. This in itself seems kind of strange but sometimes I need to take a pause and sit and think, take a breath, wherever I might be. I happened to be about to walk downstairs so there I sat. Gazing down, I was struck by the strange temptation to tumble down, just fall.
While this particular urge was new to me (possibly because I don't find myself sitting at the top of stairs too often), I don't think the idea was totally new. Part of it is the release, the total abandon that attracts me. But also, just the possibility fascinates me--the fact that I could, maybe simply out of curiosity, yet I restrain myself is tantalizing in itself.
I think about this a lot when I'm driving. I didn't come up with this first, it's discussed a bit in the novel Rant by Chuck Palahniuk, but it's amazing how we can drive everyday completely believing in the fragile system we've created, the thin double yellow line we all adhere to when it would be so unbelievably easy to cross it. That even a single lapse, a slight twitch of my arm to the left could change everything is frighteningly intriguing. I don't want to think about it but I can't resist doing so all the time. It's kind of like what Dostoevsky said about his gambling addiction, when you're surrounded by endless possibilities how can you ignore them? It's not exactly the same because I'd never actually give in to the possibilities, but it's kind of the idea of our absolute freedom we often forget about. Anything is possible and almost everything you know about life can change in a blink of an eye. But it's much more comfortable to ignore this.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Why?
Ever since I was a kid, when things went wrong, I asked, why? People always say curiosity kills the cat, but I'd prefer to be an enlightened dead cat over an ignorant dead one any day.
So a few things I've been pondering lately:
Why does blogger hate me?
Why can't I make decent headway on this damn note?
Why does it take triple the time to see a doctor in the States than in Korea?
Why is some food so good and others so bad when the materials used are the same?
Why do we always gain perspective when at home?
Why am I wasting time on this question and not watching yesterday's gLee?
And as they say, to each their own in search of life's answers; it's not the end that matters, but the journey. To that I say -- yeah right: I want answers, dammit!!
And since no quality post is without a photo, here's an inaugural one.
Talking about the weather is cruel
So let's talk weather in beautiful Urbana. It's been pretty consistently in the 90's and humid because it refuses to rain. This makes it just perfect when my ac is broken for a couple of days. Being in a sauna is supposed to be good for you right? My skin is going to be so shiny and soft and moisturized, I'm totally pumped! Y'all can have your beautiful cali weather, I am absolutely loving it here. What's better than waking up in a pool of your own sweat on the couch downstairs because it's even worse (I mean better) upstairs?
Oh, and noticing this is 'stories from the cornfield', I guess I should mention how beautiful they look in the sunset as I run past them every day. They really do, not joking now. On a backdrop of amazing clouds of every color of the spectrum and a blazing red sun, I actually do appreciate them. The best thing about the midwest is there's so much sky here. That might seem weird to some but it's a big deal for a city boy like me.
Maybe one day I can reach it, I've been looking up for so long.